I hadn't planned my first post to be proclaimed from the soapbox, but...

“I feel fat.” Because of the tendency of women’s cycles to synchronize when they’re in close proximity (even, apparently, in cyberspace) for a prolonged period, I start to hear – or read, rather -- this around the same time every month, with sporadic sprinklings here and there the rest of the time. Basically, I see it a lot.

I feel fat, too. Every morning when I wake up, I feel fat. Because I am fat, every second of every day. And you know what? It is not fucking synonymous with feeling bloated/PMS-y/unhealthy/disgusting/lazy. I am so ungodly sick of people conflating them.

There are days when I am energetic and could keep going at full-speed well into the night. Funny thing about that is, I'm still fat the entire time -- I haven't miraculously lost 200 lbs. overnight for those days to happen, and often. My tummy rolls, saggy tits and jelly arms and thighs are still there and jiggling away with me.

I’m fat on the days when I feel so utterly shitty, mentally and physically, that the approaching headlights of an Orange Line train shining in my eyes while I tap dance on the third rail could well be the most beautiful sight I’d ever seen. Those days always pass. Meanwhile, I’m still fat at the end of them. The lousy days pass, and I’m still fat.

Imagine. That.

Look, I understand that there’s a disconnect from the people around you when you look at your own body, that when you’re feeling terrible and ugly and every other nasty, low-down, shameful emotion you can feel, you’re likely not automatically conferring those traits on anyone who might be close by, friend or stranger; at that moment, your only concern is yourself, and nobody could possibly be as miserable as you are. I hear that, I participate. But when you use a word which is literally and clinically used to categorize people in reference to yourself, implying all manner of derogatory things into the bargain, it behooves you to step back and rethink. Someone will hear you. Someone who is fat by all the standards of the medical definition, and who might spend the next seconds minutes hours days weeks months years of her life internalizing your misconceptions and telling herself she’s a gross, lazy slob merely because she’s fat, regardless of how many ways she may or may not negate that stereotype, regardless of what she knows about herself.

Think about that word when you feel compelled to use it, about how you’re about to use it. It’s not an umbrella term to be utilized when you’re retaining water or when you’ve just gorged on a tub of Philly’s cheesecake filling or any other instance when you want to berate yourself, so stop using it like one.